Self-worth and modern dating with Bec Daisley

Modern relationships can feel more complex than ever from navigating dating apps and social media to setting boundaries and maintaining self-worth in a fast-paced world. We sat down with Bec Daisley, holistic practitioner and founder of Shanti Counselling & Therapies, to talk about what self-love really looks like in practice, how to embrace being single as a season of growth, and why healthy relationships start with the one we have with ourselves.

Bec Daisley

What does self-love truly look like, and how can someone begin cultivating it?

“Self-love is about embracing one’s whole, authentic self, including both strengths and imperfections. It involves self-acceptance rather than self-criticism, even when working towards personal growth. A crucial aspect is monitoring self-talk, speaking to oneself with the same kindness and support one would offer a close friend. For those struggling to achieve this mindset alone, counselling, particularly cognitive-behavioral therapy, and kinesiology can provide valuable guidance.”

Why does modern dating feel so complicated, especially for women over 30?

“Dating has always been complex, as reflected in classic ’90s TV shows and rom-coms. However, modern challenges such as dating app burnout, ghosting, and appearance-based selection have added new layers of difficulty. Many users seek a dopamine rush from matching with someone online but fail to commit to meaningful interactions. The abundance of choice often leads to fleeting connections and a lack of genuine investment in relationships.

For women in their thirties and forties, the increasing focus on filters and perfectionism can create additional pressures. However, true connection grows from genuine interactions through friendships, workplaces, or social activities, rather than quick app swipes. Encouragingly, there is a growing shift towards in-person meetups, offering refreshing alternatives to digital dating.”

How can women embrace being single as a time for growth and self-discovery?

“Rather than forcing oneself to ‘love’ being single, it’s important to examine any internal or external pressures causing discomfort. Whether the pressure stems from societal expectations, personal fears, or past relationship patterns, self-reflection can provide clarity. Personal growth should not be seen as something exclusive to single life, it is an ongoing journey in any relationship status. Embracing joy in everyday experiences, pursuing passions, and living fully regardless of relationship status, creates a fulfilling life. And when the right connection does arise, it will complement, rather than define one’s sense of self-worth and happiness.”

How does self-worth affect the relationships we attract and maintain?

“Self-worth plays a pivotal role in the relationships people form. Those struggling with self-esteem may unconsciously attract toxic partners or engage in self-sabotaging behaviors. Addressing self-worth requires inner work, often best supported through therapy, which serves as an essential tool for ongoing self-exploration rather than just crisis intervention. Factors such as childhood experiences, past relationships, social environments, and personal lifestyle choices all shape self-worth. While external validation may offer temporary reassurance, true self-worth comes from within. Committing to personal development and healing can foster healthier, more fulfilling relationships.”

What’s your advice for setting healthy boundaries, whether in early dating or long-term relationships?

“Boundaries are a reflection of self-respect and should be expressed with both clarity and kindness. Whether it’s a first date or a long-term partner, setting boundaries involves communicating needs openly and assertively. If discomfort arises such as unwanted physical advances or emotional pressure, expressing limits in a calm and confident manner is key. For deeper relationships, allowing space before addressing sensitive issues can help ensure the conversation is approached with emotional control. However, in cases of persistent disrespect or abuse, boundaries alone are insufficient, seeking support and prioritising self-protection becomes paramount.”

Connect with Bec

Shanti Counselling & Therapies offers a range of services including counselling, couples counselling, kinesiology, and reiki, from a private practice in Sydney's Northern Beaches.

Website: https://shantitherapies.com.au/

Instagram: @shanti_counsellingandtherapies